So, I'm not sure this is true...because I don't exactly have a love life, but the cuddling part...now that's true...

when you are hung over, rain is not fun...

and it doesn't help that my socks haven't been dry since 8 a.m. this morning. They really need to fix the drainage problems on campus.

been going on this summer...right now, I really need to have a wild and crazy moment/party. I'll have to talk to Jose about that. I want to something fun, which may be the lack of things going on at home...which is what I wanted in the first place.

Anyways, summer session 1 ended up going very well. I did extremely well on finals and ended up with two A's in my art history classes. I'm very proud of them because it took a lot of work to force myself to study and work through them in the middle of summer, but I did it. Because of my postmodern art history class, I'm starting to take a historicist view on literature, films, and a lot things. I think it will be refreshing, because I'm growing tired of writing the same paper over and over again with the feminist perspective...yeah it's time to try something different and intertwine the two perspectives to create a new one

The Virginia Woolf class is amazing so far, and we've only read a few of her essays. I have to read Mrs. Dalloway by Tuesday afternoon, which is going to be interesting...

Right now, I'm at home, it's nice. I basically come home to see the animals, sophie, sleep in my bed, read, and watch tv. It's like an escape from from my crazy, always busy life in Davis, but I do get bored really restless here.


I also volunteered to be at work at 6 am on Monday, which means that I'm going to be working a double. damn it, but it's the last week of work, and the last week of this job before I start my internship in the fall...I'm really looking forward to that, oh and next week I'm going to start volunteering at the Pence Gallery, or at least setting that up...I'm looking forward to this year. I think...the rest of summer will hopefully be interesting at least.

I am not sleeping tonight, and for the first time in a long time, I'm okay with this...I'm enjoying studying, at least the post modern stuff...I have decided that the modern (beginning with David and the French Revolution) to the post modern is really my area...especially the period form 1890-1957...

Anyways, I'm a happy person for the moment...

I have two episode 3's but no 4, I'm dying!

How do I get over something like this...something so perfectly crafted and put together. It's amazing. Really amazing. And it's funny. I started watching Dr. Who to recover from emotional...I can't even describe what it does to me...yes I can. It's one of those things that pulls you inside and outside of yourself at the same time. I can feel and see all of the potential, and yet, I'm so stunned that I can't do anything with it. And now, I have to go back and watch the new season of Torchwood to get over Dr. Who. It's a repeating pattern I see...at least there's still two more seasons of Dr. Who to get through. It's really amazing...it makes me want to create...maybe, soon, I will.

Happy Birthday Kate!

hope you had and continue to have a wonderful day.

Torchwood was so awesome!

I love scifi!

I have to write a paper, which really sucks, because I just started watching Doctor Who. All I really want to do is keep watching it. I finished the first season, and I really like it. It's not as good as Torchwood, but a lot of things overlap, and it really explains a lot. Jack, is so funny, I really like him...and I can't wait for the new season of Torchwood to start. Ug, I just want to watch Doctor who right now, but I have to work on some of this paper now.

oh, and

Kasey just called and said there's a new episode of Torchwood!

I love critical theory, and I love Jackson Pollock. I've mentioned both of these things before, but I'm looking at both of these things in a completely new way now. This post modernism class is exactly what I needed to get me back on track after that last break down. It's really quite amazing. We're looking for the first time at how certain styles directly affect and reflect the culture at hand that analyzes more than just tends. We're looking at the very fabric of society including aspects like: history, political, economic, personal and public identities, propaganda, technological advancements, the circle of production of culture, and international relations. I've looked at things like this before, but never in a way that affects the here and now like this. And it's flooded with critical theory that I'm able to recognize and pick out. This is the first step to developing my own ideas.

Grades are in, and I got an A-in Paradise Lost. (A- on the last paper, and I know I rocked one question on the final) It's amazing, and all the torture was worth it.
A in women's lit
B+ in French, which surprises me. I could have gotten an A if I didn't mess up that one section on the Final...well maybe, it's hard to say.
But I'm happy all around, and Nick Lathen's hat works.

oh and new phone, it's cool and won't cut out on me anymore.

something that pulls you outside of yourself and into yourself at the same time. For me that often takes the form of a good book, or a painting that I connect with. It's just an amazing feeling, knowing that's there's more than yourself and that all of the potential is inside of yourself at the same time.

For anyone looking for a good author (and Kate you'll really like her if you don't already) is Sara Dessen. Her books really revolve around characters and every day experiences that a lot of people have. They're really quite fantastic. I highly suggest starting with The Truth About Forever. It's my favorite, although the latest Along For The Ride does give it a run for its money. They're all really good books and everything starting from This Lullaby is connected together (which I love). They take place in the same town, schools, cultures, and even have overlapping characters. I see it as a commentary that shows that in one city people live different lives. They have secrets that they keep from the public. It illustrates that every person's experiences are valuable and affect them in some way that shapes their lives. None of their lives are perfect, and everyone has their demons on the inside and must find a way to cope with them. That is one of the negative critiques that hear about this author: It's always about a broken character finding her way. But I think this whole same places thing really shows how different people really are within the same culture. It's pretty fantastic, and all of the characters suffer in different ways, which is interesting. And the characters, they're all so beautifully created. Yeah, I really like this author...

On another note: I realized something very important a while ago that I never wrote about: The most important thing to me is self expression. Self expression in the form of all forms of art, appearance, religious views, clothing, sexual orientation, media, Everything. Self expression in absolutely everything. That is why art, and novels are so important to me. They allow you to express yourself to the world and to yourself, because art reveals what's deep inside. And they are also the mediums I choose to express myself in.

There's a lot of theory I can go of on now, but I'll stick with Hegel: We make art so that we are able to see ourselves. We see what's reflected within in something physical and then know ourselves. And this isn't just in things that you've created. you can see something of yourself in what others have created as well.
I'll have to work on this later when my computer isn't dying.

My knees are killing me, and I'm falling head first into a burnout. It's going to be a bad one...really bad.

In her novel Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston explores the dual oppressions that women of color face. She Illustrates that as a woman, Janie is oppressed by the dominate male sex, and as an African American, Janie is oppressed by the color of her skin. With Janie's physical appearance, her mentally and physically violent relations with men, and the picaresque form that the novel embraces, Hurston illuminate that these two oppressions are mutually constitutive. They cannot be separated, and together they inform Janie's experiences and her very character.

so this morning I ordered Harry Potter in French. I figure it will help me over the summer. I also ordered a beginning reader with several stories and The Little Prince. My goal is to eventually be able to read Emile Zola in it's original French...that would be perfect.

It felt like there hadn't been 8 months since the last time; it felt right and natural. It was amazing, and good times. Now, I'm sore...at least my back and shoulders are, but it was worth it, it always is.

MANIPULATION IS NOT OKAY!!!
EVER!

I spent years suffering from the manipulation that my brother enacted on my parents. I suffered from it. He turned them against me to the point that if house was a mess and my room was disorganized, it was my fault. All of my mother's emotional issues got thrust onto to me, when she used me as the excuse to my dad, which caused him to blow up at me. My brother would pitch fits scream, yell, and throw things around the house and at me when I was babysitting him. All I had to do to elicit this reaction was to ask him to feed the dog, or to come eat dinner. Despite my pleas and the emotional stress and breakdowns, my parents made me baby sit him for hours, and continued to put their own personal problems on me. And this all was caused and brought on by MANIPULATION. Therefore, I refuse to put it up with it. it makes me hate myself, and I refuse to go back there!

Ever!

Shiny Toy Guns
Major Tom (Coming Home)


Standing there alone, the ship is waiting.
All systems are go. are you sure?
Control is not convinced,
but the computer has the evidence
No need to abort.
The countdown starts

Watching in a trance, the crew is certain.
Nothing left to chance, all is working.
Trying to relax, up in the capsule
"Send me up a drink.", jokes Major Tom.
The count goes on

4, 3, 2, 1
Earth below us,
drifting, falling, floating weightless
calling, calling home

Second stage is cut.
We're now in orbit
Stabilizers up, runnning perfect.
Starting to collect requested data.
"What will it affect when all is done?"
thinks Major Tom

Back at ground control,
there is a problem.
"Go to rockets full"
Not responding.
"Hello Major To,. are you receiving?
Turn the thrusters on.
We're standing by."
There's no reply.

4, 3, 2, 1
Earth below us
drifting, falling, floating weightless
calling, calling home

Across the stratosphere, a final message
"Give my wife my love."
Then nothing more

Far beneath the ship, the world is mourning.
They don't realize, he's alive.
No one understands, but Major Tom sees.
Now the light commands
this is my home, I'm coming home."

Earth below us,
drifting, falling.
Floating weightless
coming home
(repeat)
home .....

This is a cover of Peter Schilling's "Major Tom," but it's fantastic!

it's one of those songs, that just grabs me...it's inspiring, and just makes me want to write...and have a dance party

I think it's based one of the shuttle accidents in the 80's or early 90's, because David Bowie has a very similar song that uses Major Tom, as well.

I love Shiny Toy Guns...
and I have to look this stuff up...

WE HAVE THE POWER
WE HAVE THE MIGHT
THE STREETS OUR OURS
TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!

OUT OF THE HOUSE
INTO THE STREETS
WE WON'T BE RAPED
WE WON'T BE BEAT

MANY VOICES
BREAKING SILENCE
DEMAND AN END
TO SEXUAL VIOLENCE

HEY-HEY, HO-HO
SEXUAL ASSAULT
HAS GOT TO GO

JOIN TOGETHER
FREE OUR LIVES
WE WILL NOT BE
VICTIMIZED

WHAT DO WE WANT?
SAFE STREETS
WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
NOW

2-4-6-8
NO MORE VIOLENCE
NO MORE RAPE!

I just finished marching for Take Back the Night, which is an event that seeks to raise awareness for and fight against sexual violence. I heard first account horror stories from survivors, fantastic music, met a lot of really good people, and now all I really want to do is cry. Every single one of those girls believed that what happened to them had been their fault, even the one that almost bled to death on the Santa Monica Pier. Every single one of them felt guilt. Every single one of them took years to talk. Why? Because of our society. It condemns women as either prudes or sluts. We cannot win. No, only the man can win. That is why we cannot speak. That is why we blame ourselves. That is why we never truly heal.

It is amazing. I knew three out the seven that presented. I had taken many classes with them, and never had an inkling of what they suffer.
Most of them didn't even know what the experiences was rape or sexual violence.

Rape: any none consensual sexual activity including peer pressure, something that becomes none consensual in the middle, even if it was okay at first, verbally saying no, none verbal communication including not participating in the act, and becoming vacant.

The statistics: 1/4 women experience sexual violence. I know quite a few, even several who were vaginally raped, but some of them haven't begun to recognize that they were raped. It's not okay...and I wish there was something I could do.

me + Paradise Lost + paper =ug

and there's pressure on this one too, because my professor thinks I'm more brilliant than I am due to my last paper. (he even requested that I should introduce myself to him) Part of that is because I'm an idiot at the same time, because I chose the most complicated passage to work with in the two books we were able to choose from. He said that I did do some very nice work with it though, even if it wasn't unified. But now this paper has to be good. It has to flow, it has to meet the prompt, and it has to be insightful. Perfect form is not easy to achieve...and it's what I'm aiming for...why do I do this to myself? I really hate it when the professor takes a keen interest...although, it could be a good thing later on, but not with this one because I don't think I'll ask for a letter of rec from him.

With my author study prof this summer...that's another story...

I want an A in this class, acutally I want A's in all my classes, but that won't happen in French...I'll take the B though.